10 Tenets of Wisdom by Peter Breakfast
Thereby be the 10 tenets of wisdom passed by Committee 1, Committee 3, Deputy Office of Relations Management, and Official Office 1 or section R interconnected. Committee 2 was tired and therefore excluded from the present document (which will commence brass tax following this long, drawn-out, superfluous sentence) and while this is against Mansion rules will be excluded from said rule (number 14.3) also because, let's face it, no one really cares about Committee 2 anyway.
Tenet 1: (followed back in time from now--the time of writing, not reading--to Carl's great great grandfather)
Ingredients:
- Two hands
- brain
- ever/never ending world all around giving and taking in a constant play of emotion and jokes forever
Put hands over eyes. Mix well on high for twenty hours. Take a bath, go to bed, whatever. (see article 9 of "Basic regulations and addenda concering affairs of earth #1")
Tenet 2: All forms are funy with one "n"
Tenet 3: I just saw a movie and when I turned it off I went outside to find the sun and sky looking so beautiful with a gentle breeze. And as I looked out over the skyline, the roofs of my brothers' and friends' houses I got an overwhelming sensation of comfort, mentally, physically, and spiritually, coupled with a whif of gasoline. I decided to call my girlfriend at the time and tell her I loved her, which I did. I went to the fridge and made myself a drink, sat down in my livingtomb and listened to the children play baseball in the street, every once in a while shouting "CAR!" and moving off to the side.
I thought of a time when I was 13 and I'd spend hours at this roadside dump, a little area with a rope swing where we'd all go to swear without our parents hearing and talk about drugs we'd never taken.
I thought about the history of our culture, why we are the way we are now. I sometimes think I'm just a little pinhead of awareness made of questions.
Tenet 4: Follow your heart and be true
Tenet 5: Tenet 4 is unrealistic (You wanna rainbo? A little fairy anna rainbo? HA!)
Tenet 6: If an object creates reason then the reason is based on prejudice. Prejudice creates sympathy under the rule of opposites. Observing a left point is actually, if one squints and allows total room for perception movement, as much a right point. However, a north point would just be a north point given that the palms are up, so to speak. Don't smoke.
Tenet 7: Incorporate the souls you meet, even if you don't like them. This is now a memory.
Tenet 8: Never leave the mansion, Carl.
Tenet 10: Sorry we skipped number 9. I know I know! Really, we don't feel good about it, and I don't mean to put down any fans of tenet 9, but it was approaching the deadline and nine just couldn't come through, so sorry.
Anyway, I'm here to speak on behalf of my company, Tyco TyKell inc. I'd like to announce a new distraction being released in August or something. It's going to be really great and you'll waste a lot of time on it so don't worry about having some actual down time and starting to think about things that actually matter. And also it'll be cheap, for what it is kind of. And you won't have to go outside. So if you want to be HAPPY, it would be in your best interest to buy it. What?
"I said, I saw my brothers' and sisters' faces in the sunset sky"
HAHA! Whatever lady--listen, that's got NOTHING to do with what I'm talking about here. Our thing is going to be soooo fuckin sweet you'll be---
"Our money is useless and we're dying fast!"
Will someone get that lady out of here, I'm sick of this.
"--let go of me! You've killed number nine!"
What!?
"Murderer!" ---
Act now! Use your new mobile scanner to get a free joke from Tyco TyKell inc.! Just press the red "yes!" button next to the centerfugal re-acclimation access point on facebook! It's that easy! It only costs 13 credits officialy ordained on you by or equal to three wasted days in hell! Maybe you should try jogging weekly!? I don't fuckin know--I'm a goddamn robot in a fuckin house walls of the physical stress!
